dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
