I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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