if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
