....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize