You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
