wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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