Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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