please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
