That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
