Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
