I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
