It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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