kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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