I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
