It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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