Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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