my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
