Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
