my mouth tastes like poor choices
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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