my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
