I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
