i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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