at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
