At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
