Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
