Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
