It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
