im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
