She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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