so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
