My hair reeks of homosexuality.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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