yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
