GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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