Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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