You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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