You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
