theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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