I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
