Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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