Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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