I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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