i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
