guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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