Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
