I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
