Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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