as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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