i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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