I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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