32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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