Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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