Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
