you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
