You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
