so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
