Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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