I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
