He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
