dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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