Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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