Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
