I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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