you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
