my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
