But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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