Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize