I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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