he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
