looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
