The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
