He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
