So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
