She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
