I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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