On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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