I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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