he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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