bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
