White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
