I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
