I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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