I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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