I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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