i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
