So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
