bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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