Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
