At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
