Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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