so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
