Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
